It’s all in the handshake

April 11, 2009

When you walk into a situation where you don’t know people and are trying to impress, you have to follow certain rules.

Okay, your hair immaculately groomed with the use of straighteners, your pink shirt is ironed to perfection and you are still high off the feel-good factor from the Hugh Grant film you watched earlier. It’s a good start and you are now ready to greet people.

A textbook handshaker

A textbook handshaker

You clock your first victim, you greet with a simple hello, you give them a smile and then brace yourself for the most important part of the introduction… the handshake.

It’s make or break time, it must be a firm grip. But what if it’s not, what if you go in there with a limp handshake? You’ve pretty much ruined any chance of a prospective friendship/relationship/job. You need to attack people with your hand.

For anyone who has seen Michael McIntyre live, they may realise the concept of this post may not be original – the content of it is though – and for those who haven’t, well, I couldn’t find a YouTube link, so go buy the DVD.

Nobody likes a limp handshake and they hate the limp handshaker more for what may as well be a wet kipper held out to greet you. All they were looking for a manly embrace of the hand.

It makes me shudder when I get limp-shaken. It’s just not nice. So, in the past week since I have been back for the Easter break, I have assessed some of the handshakes received from friends:

A Ryan Walker handshake

A Ryan Walker handshake

Ryan Walker2/10 – I got well and truly kippered. There was so much limp in this. Then again, with those scrawny hands without much meat, it’s never going to be a firm hand. Also, grumpy expressions don’t bode well with me.

Scott Wilkins5/10 – Could be a better grip as it is a little loose. Again, small hands are not the best for handshakes.

Ross Firth7/10 – Not bad. Had this been the first time meeting him, it would have been a good first impression. Needed to be a bit chirpier in the greeting to get a higher mark.

Tom Hayman9/10 – It was just a genuinely nice handshake from a genuinely nice guy. Firm, solid, had the whole package with beaming smile and eye-contact. Good work.

If we lived in a world of Tom Hayman’s, the world would be a better place.


Hugh Grant movies top ‘manly’ poll

March 4, 2009

Hurrah! To emphasise my earlier point, Hugh Grant REALLY is the King of the rom-com! Love Actually and Four Weddings and a Funeral came top in a poll for films that guys secretly like to watch.

Okay, well I may be a month out of date with this film poll, but don’t lie. Click here to see the rest of the story.

The King

The King

I got ‘Notebooked’, will you?

March 2, 2009

One of my friends, ‘Mr F’, has recently started seeing a girl, and here is a conversation he had with one of his mates the other day:

Mr B: Have you been ‘Notebooked’ yet?
Mr F: What do you mean?
Mr B: Has she made you made you watch the Notebook yet?
Mr F: No.
Mr B: Well, don’t do it cos it will make you cry.

Mr B

Mr B

I piped up at this point and said that I had been ‘Notebooked’, not by my girlfriend, but by my male housemate.

Now, I don’t know whether this was a wise idea, like letting people know that I had seen McFly three times, but I am prone to these little slips. Then again, Mr B was the one who talked about crying.

Blokes seem to not watch these films, and I don’t think it’s the fear of crying making them avoid movies like The Notebook, a great movie and even better book (apparently, I don’t do reading), it is the title of ‘chick flick’.

The only exception is when they watch these movies with the missus because they are safe in the knowledge that they are reluctantly watching it to keep her sweet… or are they?

The excitement of getting Ps I Love You for Xmas was obvious to see

The excitement of getting Ps I Love You for Xmas was obvious to see

There are many films out there which class as chick-flicks that I have thoroughly enjoyed, such as Ps I Love You, which, much to my delight and surprise, my girlfriend bought me for Christmas. I wonder what she is trying to say? Perhaps that I harp on about that film ALL the time.

But that is because these films can actually be quite amusing and are very easy to watch, if not a little soppy even and predictable, but are ignorantly dismissed before watching because of their genre classing.

Many people will know about my love of Hugh Grant films. Well, this comes from my Dad’s incessant viewing of Notting Hill, where Hugh, as ever, plays the type-cast charismatic, witty and loveable rogue. Grant is the modern hero of the rom-com.

Hugh 'Rom-Com' Grant

Hugh 'Rom-Com' Grant

There will be many closet-Grant fans out there. When you’ve watched action and horror films to death and your Tom Cruise adrenaline rushes fade, kicking back and watching timeless classics such as About a Boy will more than fill the void of Top Gun.

There will be many doubters out there, but I tell you to embrace these types of films, whether you watch with your mates or your girlfriend. However, Mr F, if you do get ‘Notebooked’, I feel that crying may do you more harm than good in the eyes of your mates and your new lady.

The new era of lad culture

February 17, 2009
Like you, I have an interest in football, girls and beer (do I sound ‘man’ enough yet?). But, at the same time, do you wonder whether it is acceptable to watch that Hugh Grant film or listen to Girls Aloud just because you are a guy?

You all know these type of blokes. One minute they will be perusing their FHM magazine (no doubt looking at the ‘bit of crumpet’ on page 34), only to turn your head for a split second to realise that they are in fact now reading this weeks copy of More magazine, wondering about how Alexa Chung’s relationship with Alex Turner is coming along. Are they just intrigued, or fully interested? What normally starts as a quick glance at the problem pages – cos lets face it, they are pretty funny – turns into something more of an in depth read.

Now, there will be guys reading this and wondering whether there are actually guys like this who aren’t actually gay? Trust me, there are.

In today’s world of hair straighteners and manicures, the effeminate guy – or ‘metrosexual’ – is further distancing us from the lad culture that there once was.