Man crushes

April 20, 2009

Over the Easter period I worked in the stockroom of Clarks shoe shop in Bicester Village. Not very glamorous, I know, but money is money. However, the daily grind of work was not as bad as the daily grind of Radio 1.

After Moyles has gone, it’s just not worth listening anymore. The incessant repetition of songs that I loathe (Lady Gaga), which is pretty much every song on there, is enough to turn anyone insane.

Anyway, in the afternoon on Edith Bowman’s show, she had Hugh Jackman, star of the X-Men films, as a guest on her show. Now, the bloke seemed charming enough, but one guy text in to say he had developed a ‘man crush’ on him.

I had to go home and do a quick Google search because, as anyone will tell you, I am no film-buff. If it isn’t Hugh Grant, I have trouble putting an actors/actresses name to their face. But did I immediately have a man crush? No. Why not?

Simon Mills wrote an article for The Guardian, describing a man crush as ‘platonic, heterosexual man-on-man adoration’. It seems that it is more to do with idolisation and infatuation without any sexual connotations.

Who is your man crush?

Who is your man crush?

Now, ask fan if they would kiss David Beckham and I’m sure they would because, let’s be honest, he is a demigod. Now, is it because of his looks? No. It is his ability to kick a ball. But my, doesn’t he do it well.

In a recent conversation, a friend of mine said that he would let Peter Crouch do something to him that was rather coarse that I am not sure it can be repeated on this blog, nor on any website aimed at people over 18.

If you are reading this, Mr Unnamed Person, that is so far past a man crush that you should probably consider your sexuality.

Anyway, that aside, over the years it seems that we have learnt from our western-European chums (or enemies, if that is how you feel about them) about affection.

You can read about my views on man kisses in the Q&A section, but it does appear that male affection has led us to man crushes.

No longer are we greeted with a handshake, strong or limp, but with a cuddle, kiss and a grope. And the more we drink, the friendlier we get. We are worse than girls these days. It seems the natural progression from a man-cuddle is then a man-kiss, to a man-grope, ending up at a man crush.

Mike Myers said of Justin Timberlake: ‘You meet Justin and I ask you if it’s not appropriate for me to have a man crush. He is the most talented human being I have ever met.’

It seems that even celebs have celebrity man crushes. Therefore, vis-a-vis, it’s okay to have one yourself. Or maybe not.

Jesus Christ - Number 1 man crush

Jesus Christ - Number 1 man crush

Many of us joke about it, but in reality, when if it came down to it and Becks was really there on a plate for our taking… we would back out.

I don’t think man crushes are real in heterosexuals, it is just mere idolisation of one seen as superior. So superior, in fact, that Jesus Christ is the number one man crush on Nice beard…

And on a totally separate note…

I would like to end this post by congratulating my brother and sister-in-law on the birth of their second
daughter, Abigail Lewis, on Saturday night. In typical Lewis fashion, she was late.

Still, they were lucky it was a girl as my suggestion of Larry Lamb Lewis for a boy didn’t go down too well. Larry Lamb is a nice guy, and has a great ring to it. Never mind. I will just save it for my first lad! Well, if I don’t develop a man crush and turn gay, that is.

Got a man crush? Why not tell us all about him!


Manshakes, The Apprentice and drunken arguments

April 17, 2009

First of all, it seems as though my handshake post had an influence on a couple of people, namely Ryan Walker and Scott Wilkins (who scored 2/10 and 5/10 respectively).

I was greeted not by limp, wet kipper, but in fact by two firm manshakes with added eye contact and smiles. Scott even through in a cheeky wink, just for good measure.

Anyway, handshake improvements all round, well done lads.

Philip The Apprentice Taylor, not to be confused with Phil The Power Taylor

Philip The Apprentice Taylor, not to be confused with Phil The Power Taylor

Secondly, moving on to my favourite show of the week, The Apprentice. I was too busy laughing at Ben’s aggressive performance in the boardroom (“Let’s talk about £5 and £700 if you want to talk about idiots”) to notice that Philip wears make-up and straightens his hair.

Adrian Chiles pointed this out for me on The Apprentice: You’re Fired. It takes a brave man to admit this on national telly, whether you consider it unmanly or not. I commend you on your bravery, Phil, but not on the make-up. Maybe I’m just jealous he carries it off better than I did.

Round One - Ryan (Top) vs Scott (Bottom)

Round One - Ryan (Top) vs Scott (Bottom)

And finally, moving on to last night’s shenanigans. After a lovely evening of throwing shapes all across the dance floor, I was looking forward to enjoying my Subway sandwich on the way home in the car.

Unfortunately, my moment with the sandwich was ruined by what can only be described as petty squabbling on the back seat.

I’m not sure what started the debate, but Ryan and Scott, now buoyed by their handshake improvements, went on for half an hour about whether drinking a VK is as manly as drinking a beer.

As it got more heated (I blame the Stella at £1.30 a bottle), I got more involved and somehow accusations were soon running rife of me wearing pink. I can guarantee this has never happened (silly hats don’t count).

However, their squabbling backed-up what my blog is all about. One of them asked the other (I can’t remember which way round it was) why is it considered more manly to drink beer? The other replied that it’s like why boys wear blue and girls wear pink. There is no reasoning, it’s all about society.

I feel that over the past few weeks, this blog has created debates amongst my friends, which is what I set out to achieve. Keep debating guys! I’m sure this isn’t the last I will hear from Scott and Ryan… await round two.

It’s all in the handshake

April 11, 2009

When you walk into a situation where you don’t know people and are trying to impress, you have to follow certain rules.

Okay, your hair immaculately groomed with the use of straighteners, your pink shirt is ironed to perfection and you are still high off the feel-good factor from the Hugh Grant film you watched earlier. It’s a good start and you are now ready to greet people.

A textbook handshaker

A textbook handshaker

You clock your first victim, you greet with a simple hello, you give them a smile and then brace yourself for the most important part of the introduction… the handshake.

It’s make or break time, it must be a firm grip. But what if it’s not, what if you go in there with a limp handshake? You’ve pretty much ruined any chance of a prospective friendship/relationship/job. You need to attack people with your hand.

For anyone who has seen Michael McIntyre live, they may realise the concept of this post may not be original – the content of it is though – and for those who haven’t, well, I couldn’t find a YouTube link, so go buy the DVD.

Nobody likes a limp handshake and they hate the limp handshaker more for what may as well be a wet kipper held out to greet you. All they were looking for a manly embrace of the hand.

It makes me shudder when I get limp-shaken. It’s just not nice. So, in the past week since I have been back for the Easter break, I have assessed some of the handshakes received from friends:

A Ryan Walker handshake

A Ryan Walker handshake

Ryan Walker2/10 – I got well and truly kippered. There was so much limp in this. Then again, with those scrawny hands without much meat, it’s never going to be a firm hand. Also, grumpy expressions don’t bode well with me.

Scott Wilkins5/10 – Could be a better grip as it is a little loose. Again, small hands are not the best for handshakes.

Ross Firth7/10 – Not bad. Had this been the first time meeting him, it would have been a good first impression. Needed to be a bit chirpier in the greeting to get a higher mark.

Tom Hayman9/10 – It was just a genuinely nice handshake from a genuinely nice guy. Firm, solid, had the whole package with beaming smile and eye-contact. Good work.

If we lived in a world of Tom Hayman’s, the world would be a better place.