How to know if you’re a ‘metrosexual’ by some ridiculous test

February 26, 2009

Ever wondered whether you are a metrosexual? No, me neither. Well, apparently these are the telling signs.

I found this little questionnaire on howtodothings.com. Here is a quick breakdown of the questions and my answers:

1. Do gay men hit on you? Yes
2. Do you carry a purse? No, but my Dad does.
3. How do you feel about your socks? Ridiculous question. They keep my feet warm.
4. Do you wear tighty whities? Ha, no.
5. Do you use more than one product in your hair? Yes
6. Have you ever used hair removal services other than shaving? No
7. Do you receive spa services? No
8. Do you borrow products from the women in your life? Not that they know of…

Stupid questionnaire, I’ve gained nothing from that apart from the knowledge that metrosexuals really care about their socks. To see this in depth, click here.

p.s. Can anyone please tell me the definition of a metrosexual sock? Cheers!


So what if you’re a well-hard bouncer? I like McFly

February 19, 2009

Tuesday was our bi-weekly karaoke evening at our student union and I fancied a few drinks and a sing with some friends. Feeling confident and in-tune, I stepped up to the microphone with my housemate Nick when the DJ for the evening announced that we were to sing Star Girl by McFly, a personal favourite of mine.

Greeted with the usual mixture of sounds, from nonsensical ridicule to wailing screams from females (these are females who like McFly, not females who like us), we set about our rendition only to realise the bouncer was smirking and making jokes about our love of McFly to the DJ.

Okay, so you’re a bouncer, that makes you a man, right? There is a line from a Stereophonics song that goes “You look like a monkey scowling at me/ Well suck my banana, suck it with cream”. The song is called Doorman and is supposed to be vociferous and scathing attack at bouncers, yet, I think DJ Sherz may have taken this line a bit too literally.

McFly – Stargirl. Listen!

As DJ Sherz (what does that name even mean?) and the bouncer continue to mock, I decide that it’s a good idea to say that I have seen them on no less than three occasions… not entirely sure why I thought this was a good idea, but queue the DJ’s announcement to the rest of the student union about this little stat. In turn, queue more laughter from the audience and from the scowling monkey bouncer. Only for DJ Sherz to then turn to me (microphone is off at the point) and say that he actually quite likes them.

It seemed to me that he was using the microphone as an extension of his manhood to make him look the part in front of the bouncer. Take the microphone away and what do you get? A McFly fan.

A self-portrait of said bouncer

A self-portrait of said bouncer

Since when did bouncers set the goalposts of manhood? Are we to bow down to them just because they are seen as big tough men? No, but letting the bouncer make ignorant gay-jibes at us because you don’t want to appear emasculated in front of him bows down to his narrow-mindedness.

What my actual point is, since when was McFly listed under the genre of ‘gays and girls’. It isn’t to my knowledge? I’ve seen the bouncer jiving to Queen in the union before – I think they call this double-standards dancing – but the fact that the DJ had to keep his secret between us was nigh on comical, who cares what the bouncer thinks?

There is a Facebook group called ‘McFly are wasted on 10-year-old girls‘ set up by Stephen Tilson from Cardiff. Here is a quote from the group: “Even if I can’t persuade you [to join this group], it is you who is missing out through your narrow-mindedness. I’m not expecting this group to be huge, but I would like to spread the word and see who else like me is out there.”

Now I don’t know Stephen, but I would like to take this opportunity to make myself his 123rd member and congratulate him… there are plenty of people out there like you.

Anyway, we did Star Girl and it went well enough to get up there and do another song. This time we chose Air Hostess by Busted, to which DJ Sherz asked us: “Have you be to see them as well?”… Idiot.

 

Do you share a secret love for McFly? Or do you care for someone a little more embarrassing? Leave a comment and tell the world.


The new era of lad culture

February 17, 2009
Like you, I have an interest in football, girls and beer (do I sound ‘man’ enough yet?). But, at the same time, do you wonder whether it is acceptable to watch that Hugh Grant film or listen to Girls Aloud just because you are a guy?

You all know these type of blokes. One minute they will be perusing their FHM magazine (no doubt looking at the ‘bit of crumpet’ on page 34), only to turn your head for a split second to realise that they are in fact now reading this weeks copy of More magazine, wondering about how Alexa Chung’s relationship with Alex Turner is coming along. Are they just intrigued, or fully interested? What normally starts as a quick glance at the problem pages – cos lets face it, they are pretty funny – turns into something more of an in depth read.

Now, there will be guys reading this and wondering whether there are actually guys like this who aren’t actually gay? Trust me, there are.

In today’s world of hair straighteners and manicures, the effeminate guy – or ‘metrosexual’ – is further distancing us from the lad culture that there once was.