The bedroom tour

April 22, 2009
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Man crushes

April 20, 2009

Over the Easter period I worked in the stockroom of Clarks shoe shop in Bicester Village. Not very glamorous, I know, but money is money. However, the daily grind of work was not as bad as the daily grind of Radio 1.

After Moyles has gone, it’s just not worth listening anymore. The incessant repetition of songs that I loathe (Lady Gaga), which is pretty much every song on there, is enough to turn anyone insane.

Anyway, in the afternoon on Edith Bowman’s show, she had Hugh Jackman, star of the X-Men films, as a guest on her show. Now, the bloke seemed charming enough, but one guy text in to say he had developed a ‘man crush’ on him.

I had to go home and do a quick Google search because, as anyone will tell you, I am no film-buff. If it isn’t Hugh Grant, I have trouble putting an actors/actresses name to their face. But did I immediately have a man crush? No. Why not?

Simon Mills wrote an article for The Guardian, describing a man crush as ‘platonic, heterosexual man-on-man adoration’. It seems that it is more to do with idolisation and infatuation without any sexual connotations.

Who is your man crush?

Who is your man crush?

Now, ask fan if they would kiss David Beckham and I’m sure they would because, let’s be honest, he is a demigod. Now, is it because of his looks? No. It is his ability to kick a ball. But my, doesn’t he do it well.

In a recent conversation, a friend of mine said that he would let Peter Crouch do something to him that was rather coarse that I am not sure it can be repeated on this blog, nor on any website aimed at people over 18.

If you are reading this, Mr Unnamed Person, that is so far past a man crush that you should probably consider your sexuality.

Anyway, that aside, over the years it seems that we have learnt from our western-European chums (or enemies, if that is how you feel about them) about affection.

You can read about my views on man kisses in the Q&A section, but it does appear that male affection has led us to man crushes.

No longer are we greeted with a handshake, strong or limp, but with a cuddle, kiss and a grope. And the more we drink, the friendlier we get. We are worse than girls these days. It seems the natural progression from a man-cuddle is then a man-kiss, to a man-grope, ending up at a man crush.

Mike Myers said of Justin Timberlake: ‘You meet Justin and I ask you if it’s not appropriate for me to have a man crush. He is the most talented human being I have ever met.’

It seems that even celebs have celebrity man crushes. Therefore, vis-a-vis, it’s okay to have one yourself. Or maybe not.

Jesus Christ - Number 1 man crush

Jesus Christ - Number 1 man crush

Many of us joke about it, but in reality, when if it came down to it and Becks was really there on a plate for our taking… we would back out.

I don’t think man crushes are real in heterosexuals, it is just mere idolisation of one seen as superior. So superior, in fact, that Jesus Christ is the number one man crush on www.mancrush.com. Nice beard…

And on a totally separate note…

I would like to end this post by congratulating my brother and sister-in-law on the birth of their second
daughter, Abigail Lewis, on Saturday night. In typical Lewis fashion, she was late.

Still, they were lucky it was a girl as my suggestion of Larry Lamb Lewis for a boy didn’t go down too well. Larry Lamb is a nice guy, and has a great ring to it. Never mind. I will just save it for my first lad! Well, if I don’t develop a man crush and turn gay, that is.

Got a man crush? Why not tell us all about him!


Russell Brand: Man in Meggings

April 4, 2009

It seems to me that if guys want to do/wear anything unmanly, you just find something that women do/wear and add the word ‘man’ or ‘men’ in front of it.

brandLet me show you:

Man + Mascara = Manscara
Man + Bikini = Mankini
Men + Leggings = Meggings

Sorry, what? Meggings? Yes, that is right. We’ve all heard of Robin Hood: Men in Tights, but meggings are probably my most shocking finds to date in this Unmanly Blog.

Now, I thought my friend Brad was just throwing words together for a laugh, even google asked me: “Do you mean leggings?

Scrolling down, though, I did find results for meggings. Quite a few in fact. And quite a few mentions of that modern day metrosexual/reformed sex addict Russell Brand. All of a sudden, everything started to make sense.

For anyone who has seen Russell Brand do stand-up, it’s vulgar, smutty and a bit airy-fairy. He floats around the stage like a ballerina, throwing in a little skip here, a lunge there. But doing this in jeans would be a restricting task and probably take away from the camp persona.

Perhaps this is how he has become such a hit with the ladies and I am wrong to mock meggings. Perhaps the tightness shows off his ‘chap’ in such an alluring way that women love him. Perhaps meggings are the stockings of the male world.

Who knows, I for one certainly don’t see this catching on.


Confessions of an unmanly man

March 23, 2009

Here is a Facebook status I stumbled across yesterday, though it was from a couple of weeks ago…

Nick Bennion cant wait 4 2moz night goin 2 watch shopaholic with my beautiful fiancee xxx

This is in reference to the film, Confessions of a Shopaholic. I know I’m not one to talk, but…

NICK BENNION, THIS IS TOO FAR AND VERY UNMANLY!


Make-up

March 17, 2009

Oh no, I’ve turned you into a massiver gay than you already were!” – Kerry Freeman, 14/03/09

This was my girlfriend’s reaction to my recent conversion to drinking wine after years of staying away. I’m not entirely sure that drinking wine was at my most ‘gay’ as she is yet to see these photos.

Manscara and guyliner. Make-up for guys. You can buy it in shops like Superdrug! I would have bought these products but as a student I am waaaaay too poor to be splashing out on such “luxuries”, so I borrowed them off a friend.

It’s not to everyones taste, but I thought I would go a bit experimental and see what the appeal is and just how easy it is to apply. Here are the results…

It’s definately not worth it! The manscara wasn’t so bad to put on, but the guyliner hurts and it makes you look like a drag queen. No offence to the drag queens out there.

The worst part is that it’s a pain in the bloody arse to get off, something I found out when I did this the first time – the pictures didn’t come out so I had to do it again – and as my friend Francis pointed out, I wasn’t the only thing running in the gym… my make-up was too.

Manscara and guyliner… no thanks.


The results are in on women’s jeans!

March 12, 2009

After polling whether guys should or should not wear women’s jeans, 65% of you think that men…

SHOULD NOT WEAR WOMEN’S JEANS

Well lads, seems like it’s time to discard the tightness of women’s jeans and opt for the comfier, bollock-friendly option of men’s jeans. The fashion police have spoken.

Next poll…

Should men cry at films?

Vote now, the poll is on the sidebar!


What’s in your man bag?

March 10, 2009

“Stuart, I’m interested on your stance with regards to man-bags… I’ve found recently I have so many things to carry round (wallet, mp3, keys, phone, blusher) that my pockets bulge to the point where I look like a shit cowboy…what is your solution?”Francis Riordan Loughran, 05/03/09

Well Francis, I cannot help you on the fact you look like a shit cowboy. I believe that is all you. However, I will tell you my stance on the man bag situation…

Don’t go there.

Francis and the contents of his man bag

Francis and the contents of his man bag

The man bag may be useful for, as you say, your wallet and blusher (or maybe your ‘manscara’ and ‘guyliner’) but it really doesn’t do much for the image. What is wrong with a plain old rucksack? Or, go American and get out the fanny-pack? Although both would be less fashionable in the eyes of Gok Wan, the ridicule from your mates would be less.

However, according to the fountain of knowledge that is Wikipedia, More Th>n insurance company carried out a survey on man bags earlier this year. Apparently, eight out of ten men in the UK carry one with the contents valued at an average price of £650.

So, if this stat were true, 80% of my male friends would be wearing a man bag. So if I take all my friends on Facebook, divide by two (to cut out the women), and times by 0.8, then that means 221 (approx) of my friends are wearing man bags. Shocking statistics.

Cristiano Ronaldo with man bag

Cristiano Ronaldo with man bag... or is that a washing bag?

Something tells me that either Wikipedia is lying again, or More Th>n weren’t entirely representative in their survey taking. Also, where has this contents figure of £650 come from? What are people carrying around in their man bag? That is some expensive blusher.

The thing is, men need not emasculate themselves for the sake of a bag, despite the practicalities. If the jeans are too tight that you can’t get anything in the pockets… well, buy looser jeans. Simple. After your phone, keys, wallet and mp3, if you can’t fit something in your pocket, it’s just not worth having.

The pockets on men’s jeans are big enough that they should be the extension of the ‘man drawer’ that Michael McIntyre harps on about. Our pockets are made to accommodate Phillips screwdrivers and Allen keys galore.

Man bag I hear you say, Francis? No need. Just buy bigger jeans.

What is your opinion of the man bag? Should men wear them or not? Leave a comment and tell me!