It’s all in the handshake

When you walk into a situation where you don’t know people and are trying to impress, you have to follow certain rules.

Okay, your hair immaculately groomed with the use of straighteners, your pink shirt is ironed to perfection and you are still high off the feel-good factor from the Hugh Grant film you watched earlier. It’s a good start and you are now ready to greet people.

A textbook handshaker

A textbook handshaker

You clock your first victim, you greet with a simple hello, you give them a smile and then brace yourself for the most important part of the introduction… the handshake.

It’s make or break time, it must be a firm grip. But what if it’s not, what if you go in there with a limp handshake? You’ve pretty much ruined any chance of a prospective friendship/relationship/job. You need to attack people with your hand.

For anyone who has seen Michael McIntyre live, they may realise the concept of this post may not be original – the content of it is though – and for those who haven’t, well, I couldn’t find a YouTube link, so go buy the DVD.

Nobody likes a limp handshake and they hate the limp handshaker more for what may as well be a wet kipper held out to greet you. All they were looking for a manly embrace of the hand.

It makes me shudder when I get limp-shaken. It’s just not nice. So, in the past week since I have been back for the Easter break, I have assessed some of the handshakes received from friends:

A Ryan Walker handshake

A Ryan Walker handshake

Ryan Walker2/10 – I got well and truly kippered. There was so much limp in this. Then again, with those scrawny hands without much meat, it’s never going to be a firm hand. Also, grumpy expressions don’t bode well with me.

Scott Wilkins5/10 – Could be a better grip as it is a little loose. Again, small hands are not the best for handshakes.

Ross Firth7/10 – Not bad. Had this been the first time meeting him, it would have been a good first impression. Needed to be a bit chirpier in the greeting to get a higher mark.

Tom Hayman9/10 – It was just a genuinely nice handshake from a genuinely nice guy. Firm, solid, had the whole package with beaming smile and eye-contact. Good work.

If we lived in a world of Tom Hayman’s, the world would be a better place.

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7 Responses to It’s all in the handshake

  1. James Clarke says:

    This is brilliant!

  2. Jenna says:

    You and Tom should just settle for the inevitable…get a civil service marriage and a condo on the beach with your two dogs. It would be beautiful.

  3. Claire says:

    lol awesome post…. On the flip side… is it ok for ladies to have rubbish handshakes? Should it only be up to guys to have the perfect handshake?? =)

  4. tomlaptopwintski says:

    we young men of today do not shake, we dap!

  5. Tom Winter says:

    a dap is wher you tap knuckles thn twist (thts more of an extra, u dont hav 2 twist). i use this very oftn due to my clammy hands

  6. Matt Brogan says:

    Okay, I am super hung-over and feel like death. However, the mere act of reading this, then digesting it, has been the perfect hangover cure. Two things have subsequently been validated in my head. Laughing IS indeed like running on the inside. Exercise is good for your mind, body, and soul.

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