How to know if you’re a ‘metrosexual’ by some ridiculous test

February 26, 2009

Ever wondered whether you are a metrosexual? No, me neither. Well, apparently these are the telling signs.

I found this little questionnaire on howtodothings.com. Here is a quick breakdown of the questions and my answers:

1. Do gay men hit on you? Yes
2. Do you carry a purse? No, but my Dad does.
3. How do you feel about your socks? Ridiculous question. They keep my feet warm.
4. Do you wear tighty whities? Ha, no.
5. Do you use more than one product in your hair? Yes
6. Have you ever used hair removal services other than shaving? No
7. Do you receive spa services? No
8. Do you borrow products from the women in your life? Not that they know of…

Stupid questionnaire, I’ve gained nothing from that apart from the knowledge that metrosexuals really care about their socks. To see this in depth, click here.

p.s. Can anyone please tell me the definition of a metrosexual sock? Cheers!

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If you never want kids, wear women’s jeans

February 23, 2009

For those of you familiar to Facebook, you will have seen the chain mail going round where you have to write 25 facts about yourself and tag your friends in the note for them look at. One friend, who shall remain nameless, tagged me to his note:

25 facts about me…

1. im not going to be a teenager soon, bad times!

2. Im from bournville, and it has a choclate factory

3. but i dont live in that factory, contrary to popular to belief

4. i wear womens jeans. get over it :]

A bit too far on the women's jeans?

A bit too far on the women's jeans?

Obvious grammar and spelling mistakes aside, hopefully you can see why I stopped at point four. This is not the first guy I have heard confess to this, and while I still find this little revelation quite shocking, if you look at his legs, it is not totally unsurprising.

I would like to say at this point that this is something I cannot admit to doing, as I’m sure anyone who has seen me in a pair shorts will testify. My thighs fill out even the loosest jeans.

What the government doesn't tell you about Britain's weight problems

What the government doesn't tell you about Britain's weight problems

But has our nation really become so thin that even men’s skinny jeans just aren’t skinny enough? Surely not. Do oversized women wear men’s jeans? I’m not so sure. Are there no skinny jeans available for the chicken-legged men in our nation? Apparently so. And to think that there are countless MP’s harping on about how we are an obese nation.

Weight issues aside, surely the sheer embarrassment of having to go into a store to purchase a pair would put you off? Yes, I know there is online shopping, but these guys would have at least once gone into a shop to try the sizes. How are we supposed to know whether a size 6 will fit us or not? Well, I wouldn’t anyway.

The next craze sweeping menswear

The next craze sweeping menswear

And if it’s women’s jeans today, what will it be tomorrow? Perhaps we will be wearing their shorts and look reminiscent of John McInroe in his heyday. Why stop there? How about we go the whole hog and wear their knickers? I can see it now, the oversized male population queuing round the corner of Ann Summers to get our bra sizes measured and fitted.

We don’t know what the future holds, but if guys are actively trying to cut off all circulation to their ‘man area’ by squeezing into a woman’s pair of jeans, then we need not worry as there won’t be one. We have one fundamental job on this planet and that is to reproduce, but our desire to wear women’s jeans will prevent this happening.

Should guys be wearing women’s jeans? Should they be wearing any of their clothing at all? Tell me what you think!


The very definition of unmanly

February 20, 2009

I asked www.dictionary.com what the definition of ‘unmanly‘ was… here is the answer:

un⋅man⋅ly [uhn-man-lee]
–adjective, -li⋅er, -li⋅est.
1. not manly; not characteristic of or befitting a man; weak, timid, or cowardly.
2. effeminate.

I then searched ‘unmanly‘ on google image search, and this the first one to appear. Do you see the direct correlation between the definition and image? Thought so.

Grandmas Christmas present was being put to good use

Grandma's Christmas present was being put to good use

Why not look at the Men Behaving Unmanly page?


So what if you’re a well-hard bouncer? I like McFly

February 19, 2009

Tuesday was our bi-weekly karaoke evening at our student union and I fancied a few drinks and a sing with some friends. Feeling confident and in-tune, I stepped up to the microphone with my housemate Nick when the DJ for the evening announced that we were to sing Star Girl by McFly, a personal favourite of mine.

Greeted with the usual mixture of sounds, from nonsensical ridicule to wailing screams from females (these are females who like McFly, not females who like us), we set about our rendition only to realise the bouncer was smirking and making jokes about our love of McFly to the DJ.

Okay, so you’re a bouncer, that makes you a man, right? There is a line from a Stereophonics song that goes “You look like a monkey scowling at me/ Well suck my banana, suck it with cream”. The song is called Doorman and is supposed to be vociferous and scathing attack at bouncers, yet, I think DJ Sherz may have taken this line a bit too literally.

McFly – Stargirl. Listen!

As DJ Sherz (what does that name even mean?) and the bouncer continue to mock, I decide that it’s a good idea to say that I have seen them on no less than three occasions… not entirely sure why I thought this was a good idea, but queue the DJ’s announcement to the rest of the student union about this little stat. In turn, queue more laughter from the audience and from the scowling monkey bouncer. Only for DJ Sherz to then turn to me (microphone is off at the point) and say that he actually quite likes them.

It seemed to me that he was using the microphone as an extension of his manhood to make him look the part in front of the bouncer. Take the microphone away and what do you get? A McFly fan.

A self-portrait of said bouncer

A self-portrait of said bouncer

Since when did bouncers set the goalposts of manhood? Are we to bow down to them just because they are seen as big tough men? No, but letting the bouncer make ignorant gay-jibes at us because you don’t want to appear emasculated in front of him bows down to his narrow-mindedness.

What my actual point is, since when was McFly listed under the genre of ‘gays and girls’. It isn’t to my knowledge? I’ve seen the bouncer jiving to Queen in the union before – I think they call this double-standards dancing – but the fact that the DJ had to keep his secret between us was nigh on comical, who cares what the bouncer thinks?

There is a Facebook group called ‘McFly are wasted on 10-year-old girls‘ set up by Stephen Tilson from Cardiff. Here is a quote from the group: “Even if I can’t persuade you [to join this group], it is you who is missing out through your narrow-mindedness. I’m not expecting this group to be huge, but I would like to spread the word and see who else like me is out there.”

Now I don’t know Stephen, but I would like to take this opportunity to make myself his 123rd member and congratulate him… there are plenty of people out there like you.

Anyway, we did Star Girl and it went well enough to get up there and do another song. This time we chose Air Hostess by Busted, to which DJ Sherz asked us: “Have you be to see them as well?”… Idiot.

 

Do you share a secret love for McFly? Or do you care for someone a little more embarrassing? Leave a comment and tell the world.


Britain: It’s an alcopop nation…

February 18, 2009

The term ‘ladette’ was a phrase coined by the media to describe ‘young women who behave in a boisterously assertive or crude manner and engage in heavy drinking sessions’. Simply put, they were behaving like men, and over the last few years this has become ever more obvious, I mean just look at Jodie Marsh. But are we dawning on a new era?

Drinking alcopops make you even start to look like a girl

Drinking alcopops make you even start to look like a girl

There has been a culture shift so unnerving, it even makes the most radical feminist movements pale into insignificance, because as women move towards pints, men move towards alcopops. Even the stars of WKD adverts are men! No, but it’s okay because the way they are advertised is in a playful, laddish side… (I can almost hear the groans from 50-year-old men in my local as one young lad orders a ‘Red WicKeD’).

On a serious note, the fruit flavours make young teens start early on the drinking, no doubt a factor in teenage pregnancy and violence, as the movement away from the social drinker becomes less. I mean, what guy goes for a swift VK apple after football? We now live in a world where people go out to get drunk, not to enjoy drink.

Living in stoke, violence is prevalent and lurks everywhere, and no-more so than the LRV, our student union. I don’t want to sound rude, but any guy in a rugby top, muscles bulging and mumbling, baritone, potty-mouth cannot be taken seriously when holding a Reef. So what if you are going to bash my head in, you are the one drinking a Reef, mate.

Now this sounds like I am anti-alcopop, I’m not. Between my pints of Spitfire and bottles of Waggledance (a refreshing honey-ale), you may find me supping on such a beverage. Sorry to disappoint you Dad, but the modern day pallet is just not accustomed to drinking 10 pints, a kebab and a whiskey nightcap.

The new era of lad culture allows me to drink an alcopop without anyone batting an eyelid, just don’t expect me to act the hard guy while drinking one.

 

Should guys drink alcopops? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.


The new era of lad culture

February 17, 2009
Like you, I have an interest in football, girls and beer (do I sound ‘man’ enough yet?). But, at the same time, do you wonder whether it is acceptable to watch that Hugh Grant film or listen to Girls Aloud just because you are a guy?

You all know these type of blokes. One minute they will be perusing their FHM magazine (no doubt looking at the ‘bit of crumpet’ on page 34), only to turn your head for a split second to realise that they are in fact now reading this weeks copy of More magazine, wondering about how Alexa Chung’s relationship with Alex Turner is coming along. Are they just intrigued, or fully interested? What normally starts as a quick glance at the problem pages – cos lets face it, they are pretty funny – turns into something more of an in depth read.

Now, there will be guys reading this and wondering whether there are actually guys like this who aren’t actually gay? Trust me, there are.

In today’s world of hair straighteners and manicures, the effeminate guy – or ‘metrosexual’ – is further distancing us from the lad culture that there once was.